Five things that happen on FIFA, which will never happen in real life:

5 Things that happen on FIFA, which will never happen in real life:

EA  Sports’ FIFA is a gaming franchise that brings hours-upon-hours of joy, frustration and pride to those who play it. Everyone from Wayne Rooney to the everyday Joe have played the game at some point in their lives. Although the game is highly enjoyable, it is equally as frustrating. In this article we will look at five of the most-unrealistic flaws our beloved FIFA holds. (This is not blasphemy)

Pro Clubs | Blue-coloured Afros who stand at 5ft 2 |

Undoubtedly the most frustrating game-mode on FIFA is that of Pro-clubs; in theory it looks like a fantastic way to bond with your co-gamers – being able to play alongside one-another in ludicrously named clubs  along the lines of: Inter Yanan or Heskey FC.  However, Pro-Clubs is over-run by a separate race of humans that look almost Neolithic; standing at about 5ft 2, with deformed faces and a blue-afro. These virtual-professionals are heavily reliant on pace, and blitz past the basic 70+ rated AI defences, and usually score.  What makes this so annoying is when will we ever see in real football a team-full of blue-haired players who happen to be 5ft 2? The answer is: Never (unless they make a junior-league FIFA).

Career Mode | Players in their thirties |

Career Mode on FIFA 13 is to put it bluntly: brilliant. Everything from its transfer market to Youth Academies is well thought out. Players can literally spend hours tinkering with their squads, and drawing up transfer targets – much like in real football management. However one minor flaw is that once a player turns thirty their ratings plummet. Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard and Ryan Giggs are all notable examples of this; in the first season of Career Mode 2012/13)  all three of these players start out in their thirties rated: 83, 84 and 81. Then by the end of that season – them ratings will be in the 70’s – irrespective of how they performed in that season.  After a few seasons you will see the likes of: Jay Rodriguez and Gary Hooper retire at the grand-old age of 30 – which is quite a young age to retire.

Ultimate Team | David Luiz |

David Luiz in real-life is a fantastic player, who is one of the most in-demand centre-backs in world-football and this trend transfers into the gaming-world. Albeit with one minor difference: on FIFA 13; Ultimate team, David Luiz can only be compared with the Terminator.  Being the fastest Centre-back in the Premier League (bar inform cards) the Brazilian can literally play anywhere on the pitch and still out-do the opponent. I have seen David Luiz score 50-yard drives, overhead kicks, scissor kicks and diving headers. The most annoying part of coming-up-against the 26-year-old is that nine-times-out-of-ten he will out-muscle and out-pace the attacker; even if it is Lionel Messi or Shola Ameobi..

FIFA 13 | Penalties |

Penalties of FIFA 13 have allowed even us English-men to become masters at taking them. Merely just hitting it above the keeper – is technically un-saveable. Now this is frustrating if you’re the player who conceded the penalty, but it is an easy goal for the player awarded the penalty.  Even if the goalkeeper knows where the spot-kick is aimed – they are oblivious to leaping up for it. Now in real-life a goalkeeper could save a spot-kick as simple with ease, by simply raising their arms. But on FIFA it is easy to become a Matt Le-Tissier at penalties by adopting the knack of aiming just above the goalkeeper.

FIFA 13 | Passing Around the defences |

Every gamer has been there: you’re trailing by two goals and it’s the 80^th minute, when suddenly you break and score! Your fans are cheering you on, and the euphoria riles you up. You know when the opposition kick-off again that your centre-forward will dispossess the opposition and score.  But when kick-off comes and the player hoofs the football down to their defence and passes it amongst the centre-backs – any hope of a comeback ceases. Occasionally, however, you may pick the ball-up – but by then, it is too late. The full-time whistle will blow.

FIFA 13; As equally annoying as it is great.

Northern-born All-star XI

Northern-born XI

For centuries a north-south divide has existed in England. Whether it be in politics, money or sport. The perception that there is no life north of Manchester is a fine example. The barbarians of the north proved so much trouble that even one of the most infamous empires of all time had to build a wall spanning 73 miles to contain them. For years, upon years the Northerner’s of England have produced some of the finest footballers this country has ever seen: Alan Shearer, Paul Gascoigne and Peter Beardsley are more recent, notable examples.

The question proposed in this article: Could the greatest English-XI ever be fully comprised of people born north of Manchester?


Steve Harper to people who don’t know much about Newcastle United- will be hardly known. But for twenty years the Newcastle-born goalkeeper served his club with incredible loyalty. He could of been England’s number one goalkeeper in the early 2000’s, if he had of left to pursue first-team football; for many years Steve Harper was over-shadowed by debatably the best goalkeeper the Premier League has ever seen – Shay Given. A similarity between then and now is that of Celtic FC’s Fraser Forster who made the move across the border from Newcastle United, because he was overshadowed by talented Dutchman Tim Krul.

The defence of this all-time great Northern XI on appearances doesn’t necessarily look strong from an outsiders point of view. But taking a closer look is important in understanding how good this side would actually be. In at centre-back: Jonathan Woodgate and Newcastle United’s Steven Taylor.
Both are/were great centre-backs, who play well with the ball at their feet. Jonathan Woodgate actually played for Real Madrid when they were heralded the ‘Galacticos’. Some believe Jonathan Woodgate to be the most naturally-gifted English centre-back since the days of Bobby Moore; sadly his potential was never fulfilled due to injuries.

Newcastle United’s, Steven Taylor could head down a similar path – at least once a season he picks up a serious injury that rules him out for large courses of time. When playing at the top of his ability he is arguably England’s most talented centre-back.

The right-back in this side would be a popular addition amongst fans of Liverpool: Bob Paisley served the Reds for almost 50 years; captaining them, managing them and becoming one of the most successful managers ever. As a player he wasn’t bad either; making over 250 appearances for Liverpool.

At left-back, Robbie Elliot starts. Though left-back is probably the weakest part in this All-star XI. Robbie Elliot must not be dismissed. During the times when Newcastle United were ‘The Entertainers’ he impressed the country with his stellar performances in left back; in Kevin Keegan’s final season with Newcastle – Elliot notched seven goals from the role of left back.

The midfield is where it gets exciting. Some of the finest players to ever wear an England jersey were born north of Manchester.

Playing holding midfielder in this teams  4-1-3-2 formation is Wallsend-born, Michael Carrick who is a nomination for Premier League player of the year. The Manchester United midfielder can pick out a pass from anywhere on the pitch, he also has a engine to match. Michael Carrick has been one of the driving forces in Manchester United’s ascension to the Premier League crown this season. One of the most technically-talented midfielders England has ever produced Michael Carrick fully deserves his place in this side.

The attacking midfielder trio of: Peter Beardsley, Bobby Charlton and Paul Gascoigne would have any side in the world shivering. Between the three of them they scored no fewer than 616 goals. The teams lining up against this side would of feared the dribbling abilities of this trio, the creative flare and enigmatic driving-force. The way the mercurial Gascoigne could feed the strikers as well as score is also another trait this trio possess.

Upfront we have – to nobodies surprise – Alan Shearer; the man who could score from anywhere. Alan Shearer is the Premier League all-time highest goal scorer – netting 260 goals in the Premier league and over 409 goals altogether. Prolific, passionate and never a scorer of boring goals. Shearer was the textbook classical striker.

Partnering Alan Shearer upfront is someone who is more prolific; in terms of goals-to-games. Brian Clough netting 251 times in 274 appearances for the likes of Sunderland and Middlesbrough in the league. An amazing statistic that earns him his place in this All-Star Northern XI.

So to re-cap:

The northern XI;

Steve Harper; Bob Paisley, Jonathan Woodgate, Steven Taylor, Robert Elliot; Michael Carrick, Peter Beardsley, Bobby Charlton, Paul Gascoigne; Alan Shearer, Brian Clough.

To summarise:

Although the goalkeeping and defence of this team appear weak; the offensive capabilities of this team would be unparalleled – to put it plainly: one of the best in history.

Top 5 Newastle United players

My Top Five Newcastle United Players:

Since the inception of the Premier League in 1992, Newcastle United have had their fair share of Pre-Madonna's and footballing divas. But the prestigious club has also had its fair share of mindblowingly good players. But it is when the two categories clash that a true, fan favourite is born; like poles colliding. When a mercurial talent washes up onto the shores on Tyneside, the fans are love struck. Remember player like: Tino Asprilla, Laurent Robert and Paul Gascoine? All oozing in talent, but could you put your life on them to perform? The answer is no. Which is what makes the likes of them beautiful to watch, you never knew what to expect. It could be a moment of madness, or sheer brilliance.

Anyhow, in my latest article, I will be taking you through my five favourite players ever to pull on a Newcastle United jersey. You will more likely than not, discover that my five favourite players were/are mercurial in the nature; meaning the first paragraph was not in vain!

#5: Shola Ameobi:




Shola Ameobi

I know what you're all thinking: Shola 'I only score once a season' Ameobi?. But yes, Shola Ameobi is one of my favourite Newcastle United players for many reasons. He burst onto the scene as 19 year old, in 2001, during the golden days of Sir Bobby Robsons reign at Newcastle and he has been here ever since. He has unquestionable loyalty to the shirt; something not many footballers have in the current days. He has garnered the alias of 'The Mackem Slayer' by the Toon fathful, due to his knack for netting against Newcastle's bitter rivals Sunderland. Ameobi actually is the highest scoring living player with the most derby day goals: with 7 goals in 12 appearances against the Black Cats. If you could have any player in the world for one game against Sunderland: Choose Shola Ameobi. But for the other 36 games of the season, go with a more consistent striker.

#4: Pappis Demba Cisse:
Pappis Demba Cisse, currently wears the famous numer nine Jersey at Newcastle, a shirt once worn by the likes of: Alan Shearer, Andrew Carroll and Jackie Milburn. He arrived in the January transfer window of 2012, and set the Premier League alight with some sensational goals. He made an instant impact with the Newcastle fans, netting against Aston Villa; with a Shearer-esque strike, that sizzled into the top corner. He over-shadowed his compatriot Demba Ba towards the end of the season, scoring in almost every game he played in. His most memorable strike would perhaps be the Premier League Goal of the Season against Chelsea; which made it 0-2, and allowed Newcastle to win at Stamford Bridge for the frst time in almost thirty years. An amazing finisher, and mercurial player; a textbook Newcastle player, and a deserved Number nine.

#3: Alan Shearer:



Alan Shearer only third?! this must be blasphemy, especially when I am a Newcastle fan. However, I do have good reason behind this selection. On the pitch Shearer was a fantastic captain, as well as a clinical finisher; his goal against Everton lives long in the memory. However, off the pitch Alan Shearer -in my opinion- seems arrogant and pompous: this is blasphemy. Newcastles all time top goalscorer, never scored 'boring' goals, they were almost always spectacular. He is the best English centre forward ever. Bar none. He will also forever be remembered as: Newcastle's local hero.





#2: Andy Cole:

Back in the day of 'The Entertainers' Andy Cole, was Newcastle's finest striker. He netted 68 times in 84 appearances, before he was sold to the might of Manchester United; which left the City of Newcastle seething in anger. Like Shearer, Andy Cole knew how to score; scoring 271 league goals in his long and illustrious career. Fast on his feet and skillful on the ball, Andy Cole, gets the nod above Shearer due to his 81% strike conversion rate.


#1: Laurent Robert:



Laurent Robert is my favourite Newcastle player of all time. He is precisely the type of player the fans love. Absolutely mercurial. He has comparisons with Hatem Ben Arfa, and David Ginola. Robert's freekicks were thunderous and more often than not accurate; he had a tendency to shoot from long ranges, once scoring from 40m away. He spent five years on Tyneside, during that time, he managed to have: a bust up with the manager Graeme Souness, knock Oliver Bernard unconscious with a shot and before bowing out on Tyneside, he stripped off infront of the Gallowgate end and threw his kit into the fans. Laurent Robert, was the ultimate 'on the edge of your seat' player. I remember two goals vividly: His diving backheel against Fulham, as well as 'that' free-kick against Liverpool (The one Santiago Munez took in Goal!). It's just a shame Robert is remembered for his troubles with club hierarchies than his undoubted skill.

Again, like always, thanks for reading; and I hope you have enjoyed it! keep checking back for more sport related articles!Email: Ryan.Rowley@live.co.uk
Twitter: RyanRowley23